How Equanimity Skills Training Works

Pennsylvania recently emerged from a bitter cold snap, the kind that forces you to brace yourself every time you step outside. A colleague of mine noticed something interesting: although the cold wasn’t comfortable, it didn’t really bother him much either. He seemed able to endure it without feeling rattled. For most of us—myself included—extreme discomfort usually triggers a knee-jerk avoidance response (“Get me back inside!”). 

But there’s another approach: challenging ourselves to lean in, notice the discomfort, and build our distress tolerance muscles.

In my Health and Human Performance Laboratory at Carnegie Mellon University, we’ve been studying resilience under stress for over two decades. One key finding from our mindfulness meditation trials is that equanimity skills appear to be critical for boosting resilience. People often associate “mindfulness” with calmness or relaxation, but there’s much more to it. 

In reality, an important part of mindfulness training is learning to remain with experiences we’d usually avoid—like restlessness, aches, itches, or emotional unease—rather than scrambling to fix or escape them. Although these moments can feel like failures (“Why am I so bored?” “Why is my mind racing?”), they actually offer prime opportunities to train equanimity.

What is equanimity?

Equanimity is the capacity to stay balanced and at peace, even when life tosses you a curveball. Instead of being overwhelmed by every itch, worry, or burst of discomfort, you remain steadily aware and ready to respond skillfully. It doesn’t mean you never experience discomfort; it just means you become less “yanked around” by it.

How do we practice it?

Here are a few ways to integrate equanimity training into everyday mindfulness, drawing on research-based methods (e.g., Lindsay et al., 2018) that use both acceptance and relaxation as skill-building pathways:

1. “Yes” Reps - aka Threshold Training

   • What to do: During a formal meditation, when you notice tension or discomfort, gently label it with “Yes.” Imagine saying “Yes, I feel it,” and then observe it with curiosity.

   • Why it helps: This “Yes” labeling invites you to acknowledge the sensation rather than brace against it, opening the door to genuine acceptance. Notice how the sensation changes—does it intensify, move, or soften?

2. Pause & Accept

   • What to do: Periodically throughout the day—perhaps before a meeting or while waiting in line—take a slow, deep breath and ask, “What am I resisting right now?” Then internally say “Yes” to whatever it is, giving yourself permission to let it exist for a moment.

   • Why it helps: This quick practice reminds you that you don’t have to fight every moment of discomfort. Over time, this simple inquiry can reduce stress reactivity.

3. Relaxation Pivot

   • What to do: If labeling discomfort with “Yes” feels too direct, you can try shifting into a more relaxed body posture or focusing on a slow exhale.

   • Why it helps: By pairing acceptance with a conscious relaxation response, you train yourself to face uncomfortable sensations or emotions in a calmer physiological state, which gradually builds distress tolerance.

4. Observing Pleasant Moments

   • What to do: Equanimity isn’t just about negative experiences. Stay open to brief positive sensations—a refreshing breeze, a pleasant smell, or a spark of humor—and observe them mindfully.

   • Why it helps: Learning to be present for subtle joys can balance out the tough moments and reinforce the habit of mindful awareness.

     
     

Does it really help?

Our research shows that practicing these “equanimity reps” during mindfulness meditation (and weaving them into daily life) correlates with reduced biological stress responses and a more positive mental state under pressure. Over time, this can lead to feeling calmer when facing life’s daily challenges—like stepping outside in frigid temperatures or coping with a thorny interpersonal conflict. There are even evidence-based technologies out there today focused on training these types of skills in low touch ways. 

By training your mind to say “Yes” to discomfort—whether through explicit labeling, relaxation strategies, or a simple breath check-in—you build your capacity for equanimity. That’s where mindfulness training truly shines: helping you navigate discomfort with greater flexibility and ease, so you can stay balanced no matter what surprises come your way.